Raise your hand if you’ve ever either fallen or almost fallen for one of those stupid internet/Pinterest DIY gags? You know, like the water marbles on Pinterest. Yes, I too thought that project was just too cool. Then I spent wasted 10 minutes looking over the step-by-step. Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but that kitchen chemical concoction simply couldn’t work. So I spent wasted another 6 minutes Googling anyone who’d done it before spending wasting money on materials to try it myself. Turns out it’s a hoax…can you believe it, there are people on the internet posting things that aren’t true! (gasp!)
So if you can imagine, when I spotted some off-the-grid prepper-freak posting how they re-grow lettuce in a jar on their window sill, I just went “Yeah, riiiight! Moving on..” Turns out it’s not a hoax. One day in my very grid-dependant and non-prepper-like kitchen (I keep the prepper stuff in the big pantry and the hand tools for the zombies in the garden shed…just in case), I was cutting a salad. When I was finished, my little DIY Demon that shows up from time to time to get me into all sorts of mischief says, “Remember the prepper-freaks? …Try it…You’re just going to toss it anyway…The septic tank bugs don’t need that…it was organic…someone loved it…. “ SHUT UP!!! Ok, ok… I took the butt ends and just sat them in a water filled plastic container. I placed them outside my kitchen door behind the recycle tub, so that the blazing sun wouldn’t cook my new project…and mainly so my husband wouldn’t see it. I could just hear him, ‘How exactly do you miss the trash can by that much?’ Turns out he did see it. A couple of days later he mentions it to my sister visiting for dinner in part of a casual conversation, “…oh, no she has her pet lettuce too…” Yes, I have Pet Lettuce. What?! I had a pet rock when I was a kid. Then I had to bring the little box in to show them what I was up to and it was so cute…it’s little leaves were just coming up and happy as can be. Awwww. Like the alien in Men in Black – it’s head grows back!!! Now what are the Vegans going to do – ‘You mean it’s NOT dead!?’ (It’s simple hydroponics – but I can be a bit simple at times) Then my sister says, “But there’s only two, it’s going to take a while,….now had you started a few weeks ago, then maybe planted one every week then you’d have them staged…” Oh no, don’t tell me, – free lettuce! That’s when the combined look of terror, exasperation, with a pinch of don’t-you-dare comes over my husband’s face as he envisions explaining to the HOA about my tubs of lettuce stubs. No, Hon you’re safe. It’s just my Pet Lettuce (for now), but if they get lonely they might need celery and onion friends too.
A while ago I Pinned to one of my Boards, a link for an ‘Instant Vanilla Chai’. Even though the recipe was mostly non-dairy creamers, I thought it was a great idea, and that my sister – a Chai lover – would need this for a gift. Notice I didn’t say ‘Christmas Gift’, because this will never wait that long. It’s just too good. She’ll be sipping it as soon as I can find a way to get it to her in wonderland.
Wonderland? Well, you’d have to know my sister. She resides in a blur of weirdness and occasionally drifts back to reality with a phone call to ‘the voice of reason’ when it’s all just too bizarre. I know I’m in trouble when a perfectly benign conversation takes a turn for the strange, usually containing the phrase, “oh no, wait for it…” So, with everything turning a bit cooler, and knowing that she operates most of her life sans electricity, this will be a warming ‘Drink Me.’ that my Alice can make with just boiling water. And hopefully block out the cacophony of emptiness that the off-the-grid lifestyle has in store for her daily.
‘Drink Me’ – Instant Chai
Step 1:
The cast of characters contains some strange one’s. The original recipe, as I’d said contained about half non-dairy creamers and was labeled ‘Vanilla Chai’. Now, I like a good vanilla chai, but the artificiality of the CoffeeMate was not something I was going for. My Foodie family members won’t drink it. That said, look in your store for Nestle’s Nido, which is dry whole milk. This was always in our hurricane kit when my son was small so I was sure to have instant whole milk available if the need arose. It’s at least real milk.
The next thing you may find odd is the Instant Tea. Read carefully when you shop for this, as out of some 20 varieties of instant iced teas, it was the only one with out sugar OR lemon.
Last, but not least, vanilla sugar. Yes, I keep a small container (about 3 cups or so) in the pantry filled with sugar and 2 vanilla beans floating around. A few days later you have ‘vanilla sugar’. A very light flavor, but since I didn’t have any vanilla powder (yes, you can buy it via mail-order but it’s not a stock item here) I used it to accent the flavor. A very good call.
Step 2:
Gather the spices.
2 tsp Ground Ginger
2 tsp Cinnamon
1 tsp Ground Cloves
1 1/4 tsp Ground Cardamom
1 tsp Ground Nutmeg
1 tsp Ground Allspice
1/4 tsp Pepper (black or white)
Pinch of ground anise* (optional – I was out. It’s not everyone’s favorite spice anyway, but adds an exotic hint.)
(A small warning: these are real spices and no matter how much you pulverize them – they will never actually melt. You will have tiny ‘grounds’ in the bottom of your cup.)
Step 3:
In a larger bowl than I started with, mix the milks, tea and sugar
2 Cups Nido (dried whole milk powder)
1 Cup LoFat Powdered Milk (one envelope is 1 cup)
1 1/2 Cups Instant Unsweetened Iced Tea
1 1/2 Cups Sugar (or vanilla sugar)
1/4 Cup Malted Milk Powder *
Step 4:
Wow – looks like dirt!
Step 5:
*Malted Milk Powder – this didn’t make the first photo shot. This was an after thought when the mix just wasn’t creamy enough for me. This is my ‘secret ingredient’ in lots of things, like my Quick Mix…but that’s another Blog. After you’ve whisked it all together, blend it up (in batches) until it’s a fine powder. Find sweet container to house it in, like a Ball jar, or a coffee container – that’s an awesome gift! You can even sneak a vanilla bean to float around in the powder to give it a more ‘nilla punch. And it’s healthy too – you can actually read the ingredient lists on the dried milks…non-dairy? Not so much.
Finale:
Here it is. Pour the hot water over about 2-3 spoonfuls. Now if you’ve got an over-sized Alice’s mug (from the cutest tea room in NYC – Alice’s Tea Cup), you’ll need some more. You can make it as creamy as you like by pouring over hot milk (OMG!). I added a touch of honey to mine, because I really like honey in my chai better. You can get dried honey powder at health food stores, but I wanted you to be able to do this out of your local supermarket. So next time you need to escape to (or from) your own Wonderland you can have this mix available in your coffee cabinet or office desk drawer labeled ‘Drink Me’…and wait for the Cheshire cat smile.
As you’re well aware by now, I’m really into putting things in jars. Fruit in jars, vegetables, sweets, sours, shrubs to drink and yogurt to eat. No fan of the preserving arts would be worth their salt, unless they could do a pickle. Well, I can (no pun intended,…ok, maybe a little one)! I confess though, they’re simple refrigerator pickles. But why do pickles have to be so difficult – they don’t. My little cooler gems are great! There’s no giant jar hiding in my tub or closet with a brick on it’s lid, fermenting for months while I await it’s birth. Ugh – who wants to do that? Ok, maybe some people, but I repeat myself “I am not a patient woman.” My Bread & Butter pickles were quite good – now lets move on to a Dill Pickle.
As usual, my culinary adventures begin with some beleaguered edible at a store just begging not to be sent off to The Pig Farm for composted consumption. A bag of mini-cukes labeled ‘One Sweet Cucumber’. How could I resist – well, turns out I can’t. I brought the little yummies home and went looking for a recipe. I have plenty of ideas in my Ball Preserving Book, but this is an adventure. I pulled out Grandmas card file and came across one, yes only ONE pickle recipe…
this is why I’ve begun to write down my favorite recipes. Notice that there’s very little actual instruction here – and we’re all supposed to know what alum is, right? How many cucumbers, how much dill? So, I call my Mom and she says, “Ugh, don’t use that! Her dill pickles were awful!” OMG! The queen of Christmas tea rings couldn’t make pickles? Seriously?! Why bother to write it down then?!! OK, now what – the Net. YouTube is littered with Rednecks on a pickle preserving mission. “You git you some ‘cumbers, in a jaaar, a big ole wad a deeel (translation: Dill), and some peppercorns. Boil up some whaaate vinegar and water, pour it over dem cumbers…that’s it – a pickle. ” Really? Then why are there fermenting jars, and pickling spices, and everything else for the craft?! (but not an ounce of Alum in sight mind you) Digging a bit deeper, I discovered that you’re allowed to do your own thing in pickle world. So, I took some ideas from my Bread & Butter recipe that I like to use and mixed up my own blend of spices (yes, including Dill) and set to work. Here’s how it goes:
Definitely Different Dills or ‘Bite-Me’ Pickles (they be spicy!)
Step 1:
Git you a bag o’….oops! YouTube strikes again. OK, get some cute little cukes. The grocery store ones are available year round and have somewhat thin skins.
Some water (4 cups) and some vinegar (2 cups). I used white this time because somewhere I read the cider turns the pickles an odd color. I think they must have lied because I think the taste of cider vinegar is yummy. I’ll do that next time.
Salt; yes I used sea Salt (gasp!) not pickling salt. Why? Because that’s what I used last time and that’s what I had – period. (2-3 Tbl)
Jars, you’ll need jars too. Once again those tall thin Ball jars come to my rescue. Only 2 this time, thank you
Spices: No, not yet – that’s Step 3! .. Moving on…
Step 2:
Slice up those cukes and float them in some ice water with the sea salt. And yes, you are allowed to add onions if you like, I just didn’t. You can add extra salt if you like too, they won’t mind. Leave them there for a few hours…don’t you have some errands to run or something? You can’t make pickles all day!
Step 3:
Spices:
This is up for grabs. You can buy some pre-made or mix n’ match your own. I have a habit for going online and finding some fancy spice blend that’s out of my price range and looking over the ingredient list for ideas (shhhh!). Yes, in my world, $8.00 is too much for a tiny jar of stuff I already have here.
Here’s my little ‘Bite-Me–Mix’;
3 tsp. Dill seed
1 Tbl Dill dried* (*better with a big clump of fresh in each jar…but I was out)
10 Allspice berries (5 for each jar – see how that works)
1 Bay leaf, broken up
1/2 tsp Peppercorns
1/4 tsp Red Pepper flakes
1/4 tsp Coriander seed
1/4 tsp Mustard seed
2 cloves Garlic (1 for each jar)
1 – 2 Tbl Honey (to help back off the Bite)
Step 4:
OK, you’re back..now the ice is melted and those briny cucumbers need to become pickles. Split up the spices between the jars and squeeze in the crunchy spears. Don’t read that old recipe card – pack ’em in tight! Oh, there’s left overs? Well, that’s ok – cut them up smaller and add a bit of mayo and some dill…presto cucumber salad!
Meanwhile, in a small pot, bring the water, vinegar and tiny bit of honey to a boil. Then pour over the packed cukes, top each jar with a generous garlic clove and lid up.
Finale: You just made a pickle…yes, you – and it was is easy! Now, here’s the hard part..you have to wait. I know, I couldn’t either. After a few days, I opened them and was all, “No! This is just a vegetable in a weak-ass dressing!” Lucky for me, my sister had paid a visit and given them the same taste test. She told me that they were in fact good, but I just had to wait – “pickles have to take like a week “, she said (or a month – who knows they never last). Alright, I’ll wait. Another week went by and my Mom stopped over (yes the one who hated Grandma’s pickles), she said they needed more dill. I think I found my Official Pickle Tester. When I tried them, and I can’t believe I’m saying this – my sister was right! They were way better. A mean garlic and spicy bite too I might add. Even that long in brine, they were still crunchy. That’s what the ice water soak does for them, I’m told. See – I listen sometimes.
Hmmm, not a perfect pickle, but it’s a start. That second jar is still in the back of the fridge. I think I’ll wait until next week and crack it open. Some cheeseburgers in paradise may be in order with a ‘big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer….’ … Or just one of my pickles.
